The Positives of Life

The past two weeks has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. As each day passes the reality of me leaving becomes more apparent. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to further my education and obtain a professional degree of some sort. But, on the other hand, I am also very apprehensive to take the leap into becoming my own person. I become very overwhelmed thinking about my freshman year of college. I am anxious about:

1. having to meet new people. I am very self-conscious. I feel that I don't have much to offer to people. I am weird, quiet, and awkward. I don't know who would want to hang out with me. 
2. my academic class load. I will be taking 16 credits where the recommended credit load for a freshman is 13 credits. 
3. my financial situation. I am on my own financially. My parents have offered to help but, I do not want to add more stress to their finances with my needs.
4. my roommate. I want her to like me. I want us to get along. We don't have to be best friends. In fact, it would prefer us not to be because a little distance could be nice.  
5. missing home. I am such a home body. I don't have many close friends, but the ones I do have mean the WORLD to me. They have taken the time to get to know me and they know my heart inside and out and I know that I will miss them with my whole heart.

Now, after all that is said, I have to look for the positive. My mind has been trained for 18 years to look at, not necessarily the negative side of something, but the precautions of everything. My best friend Jim the past month has been asking me, "Alli, what are you looking forward to?" 

And my response has been the same, "I have no clue." I wasn't really looking forward to anything. School was overwhelming and working the rest of my life didn't look any more appealing. But, after thinking about it these last few days I would like to respond with this, "I am looking forward to what God has in store for me. I may not know what that is but, I can only hope that it will be amazing. I am looking forward to new doors opening and new opportunities to present them selves. I am looking forward to continuing the relationships that I already and and creating new ones. I am looking forward to falling in love. I am looking forward to finding out more about myself and what I am good at. I am looking forward to being me." Of course I am not able to say that aloud because I am no good with words but, I wish I could. I giggle and laugh awkwardly when people tell me they love me instead of my looking them back in the eyes and saying it too. That is just how I am.

So lets turn the anxiety and fears above into positive thoughts.

1. I am ready to broaden my friend circle. I am excited to get to know people who share the same views as me. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to show people God's love and be a servant to them. 
2. Even though the academics may be tough I will be learning so much! I need to drop the A mentality and be ready to learn at my own rate and retain all of the information. I have to be gentle with myself and realize that failing a test or even a class isn't the end of the world.
3. I have money saved up. I have a budget and I can always get a job. That was easy!
4. My roommate is wanting the something I hope. All we could hope for is to get along. As long as I do everything with good intensions and a pure heart I can be proud of my actions and alright even if she doesn't like me. 
5. To start off, home is only an hour away. I will have a car with me. My parents are only a phone call away and I will no longer have to answer to them or satisfy their needs for discussion. I can always text/call/facebook/email/facetime/skype/etc. when I feel lonely. I have an incredible support system. And I will be missed just as much as I miss them. 

Their are so many incredible things in-store for me and my life. I know that, "the Lord has plans to prosper me and not to harm me."

Life is looking pretty good!

-All-i Rose