9:51 pm - Saturday - November 16th
Quiet, my suite is quiet. My roommates are all gone for the evening and I chose to stay in tonight and spend some time by myself. I don't know why but this week has taken it out of me, physically and emotionally. I would consider myself to be an introvert and when I am at my parent's home I love spending time alone in the evenings. At school, I don't seek out such alone time like I do at home. Usually, I am always spending time with friends, studying, or at church. And on the rare occasion I am in my room with one of my sweet mates. So tonight is rare. For some reason it is tough for me to be here though. I feel uncomfortable. I feel that I am unsocial and that I don't have any friends, which is not true. I have lots of friends. I think that I am always trying to justify to myself that I have friends and that I am liked. This internal debate is usually sparked because I fear that people don't like me because I am too quiet and seen as unsociable. For some reason I equate me sitting home on a Saturday night with the idea of me having no friends. But there is nothing wrong with being home on a Saturday night curled up on my bed, wearing a flannel with a hot chocolate in hand and my computer on my lap while I listen to quiet music and read Love Does. Nothing wrong with that, at all.