Who do I want to be?

School is hard. I thought it would be tough, but I don't think I expected it to be this difficult. Let me justify why I think it is so hard. I have a little problem.... I hate not doing something perfectly the first time. I also compare myself to others far too much. I am frustrated with college because I cannot do everything perfect the first time. Last week I had to write 3 papers, take 2 exams that were 1/3 of my grade, and had a team speech. The papers were not up to grading par. I got a D on one of the exams where everyone else who I helped study got B's. And my speech was a little rocky because my group dropped the ball and I had to pick up the slack; which in return lowered my grade. And this week is no different. So after several tearful phone calls to me mother. Whoops! Apparently I am a pirate now. Anyway, it made me think about what really matters in life. Next year, will it really matter if I failed a test or got a B on a paper. No. The relationships that I make this year will though. The character that is built overtime. The lives I have impacted. So I am going to break down who I want to work on becoming.

Shay Carl once said, "It's not about finding out who you are, it's about creating who you are..."

And then today on Facebook Colette Butler, Shay's wife, posted this...

Who do I want to be?

• I want to be friendly.
• I want to be accepting.
• I want to be open to new perspectives.
• I want to be independent.
• I want to help others.
• I want to make people laugh.
• I want to eventually be a mother.
• I want to be educated.
• I want to be positive.
• I want people to know that I care. 
• I want to live for God. 
• I want to be loved.

This list will grow. And I hope I do too.

I am off to study so I can better myself.

That is all for now,

Allison

My purpose...

Yesterday was a lazy day. My roommate had gone home for the weekend so I had the room to myself. I work up early made coffee and then sat in my warm bed watching Gilmore Girls for a few hours. After the marathon I buckled down wrote a paper, read some sociology and then met with a friend for coffee. I returned to my room to study for the rest of the evening to study for a few upcoming tests. It was so nice just having a  laxidasical day where I had no solid plans and I was content with being by myself. But as the evening went on I started to feel a bit of discontentment in my heart. Everyone around me had plans which led me to realize that I don't have too many friends up here. Just as I was starting to feeling that way I received a text from my friend asking what my plans were. I texted her telling her to come to my room so we could watch a movie. As she was walking over another girl from my floor stopped by my room and invited me to a girls night. Now looking back at that moment I can see that God was so alive right then. He could see the discontentment in my heart and directed the right people to me. Unfortunately at that moment I just felt like I was a looser and I knew that it was up to me to make friends but right then I didn't want to have any part in being social. 

Today, looking back on that experience and analyzing my feelings, I have come to a few conclusions. 

1. I only have a few friend and A LOT of aquantinces. And that is okay. 
2. The friends that I do have mean a lot to me.
3. I read too much into relationships. 
4. I miss my friends at home. 
5. I don't have the energy to be social or the knowledge on how to be.
6. Having friends shouldn't be for my benefit it should be theirs. I have to be a servant to the Lord and put others first. 

Number 6 was the big one. I realized that I was feeling lame because I didn't have friends but in all reality I need to put the lord and others first. I need to make them feel good about them selves before I can feel good about myself. Having friends is nice and good but more important than that is my service to the Lord. And while I am serving the Lord I can meet people and possible create more friendships.

Just thinking,
All-i

Things I have learned so far in college

I have been living on the college campus for 11 days now and I feel like I really have been getting the hang of things. This is some of the stuff that I have learned so far...

1. Sleep is a not a optional.
2. People are generally really nice.
3. It is okay to be weird.
4. Text books are expensive.
5. College food is NOTHING special.
6. When you get the opportunity to dance, take it! And if you get the privilege to crowd surf enjoy every moment of it.
7. It is weird if you are normal.
8. Get plugged in somewhere.
9. Be honest!
10. Don't ever give your number to a drunk man.
11. Make tons of lists.
12. You have to study a lot.
13. There is a large population of african american squirrels that live on campus. 
14. Coffee is a necessity... I instantly regret it when I don't make it. 
15. There is ALOT of free time. Use it wisely.
16. Take chances and put yourself out there. 
17. Don't do Zumba and then eat a panini... ask Gail about that one. 
18. Reading sucks.
19. It is hard to poop. Find a generally quite time to make your break, like when people are in class or in the wee hours of the morning.
20. Meet people whenever you get the chance.
21. Don't break the seal...
22. Have a good conversation starter in your room.
23. Enjoy every minute of it!!

I am loving it so far!

-All-i