The further I go into my education here at university the less educated I feel. Tonight, I have been struggling with what I believe and I have realized how submissive I am to knowledge. I never question authority and now that I am of the age where I make my decisions and I am my own authority I don't know what to believe. There have been a few things this week that have made me feel this way:
- The Election. My school is extremely liberal. I am fairly conservative. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and should not be ridiculed for their decisions. Last night I did not feel welcomed or respected.
- I also thought that gossip would be left behind in high school. Apparently not. This last week my next door neighbor decided to engage in some promiscuous behavior. That is normal. It's college. The problem was that she did not do it on her own bed, she did it on her roommates... She won't admit to it and says that she cannot remember because she was too drunk. Her roommate has come to me for advice because she feels violated. I feel bad for the girl who made a few decisions that I don't agree with, this weekend. She now has a stigma attached with her name throughout my whole floor. Why can't we just respect each other and mind our own business?
- I am feeling sort of out of place on this campus. I feel that I have to change how I act and what I believe to fit in, and that is not okay. I found myself lying a lot this week about little things to protect my name and who I am. I wish that I would have the courage be myself.
I just want to find the Lord and his righteousness on this campus. I feel that I am trying to do EVERYTHING on my own and it is because I won't give anything up to Him. Lord, take my burdens.
None of that made sense.
Sorry.
A very confused,
Alli
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