Self Reliance

Right now, at this very moment, I feel hopeless. I feel stupid. I feel incapable. I feel selfish.

This week I had the revelation that I have to get a job. My parents have graciously helped me pay for things for all of my childhood, but now that I am going to college in September, I have to create my own salary and find a way to support myself. I am a huge worrier. I don't like feeling tied down. I have so many fears about getting a new job. My main sources of income in the past has been from babysitting, house sitting, and nannying. With those three I didn't have very specific hours and they provided LOTS of flexibility. With a part-time job I will be tied down with hours. I am fearful that I will not be able to get certain days that I have had plans for off. For example, I volunteer with a youth group and this is my last summer with them. The first week of August is our summer camp. This will be the last time i will be able to say good by before I leave for college. Another fear that I have is that I will not be successful at what the job is. When I commit to something I stick with it. I don't half-ass anything. I know that after I get used to working I will be fine but it is just the though of having to try something new.

Deep in thought,
All-i Rose