Alone on a Saturday Night

9:51 pm - Saturday - November 16th

Quiet, my suite is quiet. My roommates are all gone for the evening and I chose to stay in tonight and spend some time by myself. I don't know why but this week has taken it out of me, physically and emotionally. I would consider myself to be an introvert and when I am at my parent's home I love spending time alone in the evenings. At school, I don't seek out such alone time like I do at home. Usually, I am always spending time with friends, studying, or at church. And on the rare occasion I am in my room with one of my sweet mates. So tonight is rare. For some reason it is tough for me to be here though. I feel uncomfortable. I feel that I am unsocial and that I don't have any friends, which is not true. I have lots of friends. I think that I am always trying to justify to myself that I have friends and that I am liked. This internal debate is usually sparked because I fear that people don't like me because I am too quiet and seen as unsociable. For some reason I equate me sitting home on a Saturday night with the idea of me having no friends. But there is nothing wrong with being home on a Saturday night curled up on my bed, wearing a flannel with a hot chocolate in hand and my computer on my lap while I listen to quiet music and read Love Does. Nothing wrong with that, at all.

Projection

I got to spend time with one of my friends today before our class started and he said something that has been stuck in my head all day. He was telling me how he went off on his house mates the day before and how he felt bad. He was stressed about his Biology class and he was venting to them about his frustrations. In the middle of him explaining his story to me I simply stated, "You projected your frustrations on to them."

With that he looked me in the eye and said, "Yes! I projected and that is just what the devil wanted me to do. He wanted me to out my unwarranted frustrations on my fellow brothers in Christ." That was the statement that has been stuck in my head. I do that far too often. I let little things in life frustrate me and distract me from my true path in life. I fail to give other's grace and loose patience much too easily. I do all of those things because I am human and because there is a force around me that is pushing me so I will trip and fall of the righteous course. I fail to realize how much influence the devil has around my life. He constantly is pulling me away from living rightly in Christ. Luckily, I have someone WAY more powerful than him. That someone lives in my heart and He is my Heavenly Papa. He constantly pushes the devil out of my path and makes sure that I stay on his course. Thank God that the devil has no effect on me! Thank God that I do not have to fear him because my father is so much more powerful than him! Praise Jesus. So thank you to my friend who reminded me of my true path and thank you to him for reminding me that I do have other people who are pushing me away from the truth because it is such a great reminder that I have to focus on the righteous path!

Fearless,

A love bigger than my own.

I spent my weekend with this little man.

He is handsome, smart, innocent, daring, independent, and so much more. I miss him every week that I don't get to see him. I was so fearful that he wouldn't remember me when I went to see him because I have been gone to school for 2 months. Luckily, he did!

Of course he did. We have this unbreakable bond. I don't know how to describe it. It is a bond based purely on love. He could do anything and I will always support and love him. I would do anything for him. Anything. My heart breaks when his breaks and I laugh with joy when he laughs. This weekend the little man toddled over and hit his head on the wall and he cried. His cry was at a different frequency. It was so loud and persistent. Nothing could console him. It took a good 10 minutes of consistent cuddles.

The point of that story was to explain that when he had huge tears rolling down his chubby cheeks my heart was breaking and I felt helpless not knowing how to console him. After reflecting on this love, a love where you put someone else's needs above yours, I can't help but imagine all the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. His love for us is so much greater than this but it gives me a glimpse of his compassion. It also makes me reflect on the pain that he must have felt when he chose to sacrifice his own son to save the lives of his other children. That is a pain that I can't even conceptualize. I could never imagine that pain and that makes me even more thankful. I am thankful that I have a father who would break his own heart and sacrifice his one and only son to save a person like me who breaks his heart every day. Thank you God!

Humbled,

Prayer

Last night, one of the girls in my small group, who is a new sister in Christ, asked how you are supposed to pray when you pray out loud? Man, I was so glad that she asked. She came from a place of innocence and genuine questioning. She grew up in a Catholic home where the prayers that they would speak out loud were all memorized prayers like the Lord’s Prayer. There is nothing wrong with that, at all! Matthew tells us in Matthew 6 that we should pray like that. She just didn’t know what to say with a free spoken poem.   
 

The amazing thing is that every girl in our small group had a bit of insight to share with her and I LOVED that! So I am going to share that information with you because I thought that it was so cool. This is going to be random and disjointed but when you put all of these things together it will hopefully all make sense. 

One thing that you can keep in mind when praying out  loud is that you don’t have to impress anyone. When you are praying out loud it is just a conversation with you and God that other people are listening to. Say what ever comes to your mind. Pause if you feel inclined. Cry, laugh, sing; do what ever you feel is on your heart.  

Opening a prayer can be hard and awkward. I know. I always start with, “Papa, you are so good.” You can call him what ever you want. He is your father. He knows you. Think of it as a letter opening: Dear Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, etc…

 

After opening your prayer (which isn’t necessary if you don’t feel it) you can just say what’s on your mind. Remember you are having a conversation with your father.

• You can praise Him. Tell him how good He is. Tell Him that you need Him. Tell Him that you are so blessed to be His child. Guys, we have the best dad ever. Seriously.  
• Ask Him for guidance and safety. Remember, that if you asked him into your life that life isn’t yours anymore. He is your guide and praying for His guidance is important.  
• If you had just listened to a talk or sermon you may want to try to add a recap of what was said in the message. Like, “Lord, help  us keep our eyes on you and remind us that in the end your judgment is all that matters.”  
• Consider prayer requests. If you are in a setting like a bible study, then you can either try to remember all of those requests or you could do what we call a blanket prayer call, “Lord, I lift up all of the prayer requests that were said and unsaid. Keep your hand in those and please remind us that you are in control of it all.”  
• Afterr all of that, if you feel anything else on your heart, say it. Don’t hesitate to say it.  

Once you have exhausted all of your thoughts end with AMEN!

I love prayer and I love listening to other’s prayer. Our father loves to talk to us and listen to us. Give Him time and pray. Also, especially when you are praying alone, after your prayer just sit for a few minutes in silence and listen to see if God responds with anything. 

Prayer doesn’t need to be organized or fancy. Pray can be lengthy or quick. Authentic heartfelt prayer is beautiful. Try to start your day with it and end your day with it. One image that I love that my 3^rd grade Sunday school teacher taught me is the idea of arrow prayers. Arrow prayers are the little prayers that we throw up to God throughout the day. “God, thank you for the wind.” “Papa, help me find patience for _____” You get it. Little prayers that aren’t formal in anyway. 

Prayer. Do it.