By the Grace of God, I am saved

Right now, I am sitting in the Woods coffee with my best friend, Jessica reflecting on this week. It has been a beautiful week. Jesus is alive. 

This week thoughts have been circulating around and around in a circular form. It goes like this:

• I feel like a passionate Christ loving woman
• Then interact with other Christ loving woman who's lives look perfect and their actions match
• Then I reflect on my actions and feel completely broken and unworthy to call myself a Jesus loving woman.
• And from that point I try to remind myself that Jesus seeks out the broken and I try to reconcile with myself to remind me that I am loved regardless of where I am.

I am a sinner. I am aware of that, and I am humbled and non-deserving of Christ's love, but He gives it to me anyway. period. I don't deserve it and He still gives it to me. I don't have to earn it. Because of that live and grace I repent and believe. Within repenting and believing I now know where my identity is. It is in Christ. I am His daughter. I was made in His beautiful image. This is comforting. God is present in my life and he lives in me. So let me break down my emotions this week on why I felt so unworthy to be His daughter.

Last Thursday, I joined a new small group with a bunch of girls that I kind of know from my Friday church. This quarter we are going through the book of Galatians. We attempted to tackle the first chapter this week. It was good. The word was good. God spoke to me. The girls were so sweet and beautiful. This group is full of passionate Jesus loving woman. The thing is... they are all so beautiful and put together and passionate, I feel unworthy to be part of their group. I am a messy person. I am foul and broken. I am selfish. I struggle with sin. I am not BOLD in daily interactions with my faith. I try to be subtle in my actions. When I left that night, I felt defeated and so unworthy of God's love. I called my mom that night and explained to my mother why I felt that way. I was belittling myself because I felt like I wasn't bold enough with my faith and I realized that I was trying to please every person that I interact with. We read Galations 1:10 in small group that night and it was the 4th time that I had came across this verse that week.

Galatians 1:10 Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant.

I felt that God was trying to tell me something. And He was. I think that it was a mixture of 2 things.

1. I don't need to be afraid of offending people with the Gospel. I need to spread it boldly. And let me be honest, that is hard for me because not everyone will be pleased. I will be ridiculed and I will loose people. If both of those things happen, it's okay! I am living out my purpose. 
2. I don't need to please all of the girls in my small group. I have to hope that they will take me as I am. One piece of comfort that I need to focus on is that we are all sinners. everyone. Some people's sin is just more public. I make my sin known. I am first to admit my own faults. 

So after battling with that cycle this week, I have come to find some comfort in this cycle. I am never going to be perfect and on the other hand, I will never be to a point with God that I wont need His grace. I know though I am His daughter and He is my father. I have a loving father who is proud of me. We are all his kids. God wants me to be raw and authentic with Him. I wrote down in my notes that I am using to write this post,

"You are my dearly beloved [daughter] and you bring me great joy!" Mark 1:11 

I am His. And knowing that, there is not a feeling more comforting. He loves me just where I am at. He takes my life even though I am broken and a sinner. I need to work on reflecting the things that I believe and and from that He will fulfill me even more. He can fulfill you too. If you don't know how, just ask me because there is not a more peaceful feeling than knowing that you have a loving father who is always holding you and encouraging you.